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Submitted on
November 28, 2010
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4.0 MB


228 (who?)
Ahhhh, million times apologies! Dunno what went wrong, and right when I was off for the weekend of course. Movie should be fixed now.

Ah, Crisis Core. I always considered it the big brother of Kingdom hearts 353/2 days.

Both spinoffs staring a tragic minor character, so with both you can assume it'll have a sad and anti-climactic ending, both dedicate a lot of gameplay to small story unrelated missions, both have a "2 best friends fight each other to death" setpiece going on, there's an entire new subplot thrown in the old canon including all new characters that the fandom immediatly hates (Well, dunno if the fandom hates Genesis and Angeal that much, but I for one prefer Xion at least a lot more then annoying endless poetry reading Genesis.. Ughhh.) etcetera etcetera.

On most of these themes, Crisis core faires better then Kingdom Hearts, the missions are optional and there's a lot of story related main missions, the subplot here is a lot better and actually gives the ending of the game still a bit of closure, instead of putting even more emphasis on the anticlimactic nature.. Yes, Crisis Core does a lot better, but there's one thing Kingdom hearts did better, and that's the Xion versus Roxas battle..Which I already found weak there.

But there, the best friends fight each other had more build up, and the characters had at least, tough very abstract and weak, motivations, here the Angeal versus Zack fight is a lot more random.

The one thing both are equally good (err, bad) in, are the lame passive villains. I really dislike modern Square Enix villains. They started with boring "forces of evil" in the first 5 final fantasies, then theyh ad a brief golden era with complete psycho's that, while little substance, where at least a lot of fun and very effective, with Kefka and Seprioth, then we go into the "Uhmm..what?" type of villains in Final fantasy 8 and 9, and ever since then we have villains in which I don't even know WHY they're villains.

What's up with Genesis, all missions where I have to kill him, he's doing nothing but randomly standing around in factories or forests with his clones, reading his damn Loveless poetry. And Angeal is "Whaaa, I'm a monster so I must kill people!". Why dude, it's your own choice. So upset that you have wings? You're a Soldier, you're already a freak of nature, so whatever. I wish the game elaborated more why everyone thinks that having wings= must immediatly kill everyone.

Anyway, that's all peanuts with the MEGA HUGE plothole this game has, destroying it's own 3th act and even Final fantasy 7's sad prologue with it.

Zack adn Cloud work for mega corporation Shinrah, but during an accident they "die" and then get thrown in Shinrah's EVIL laboraties where they're being experimented on. They escape and are now fugitives, desperatly trying to get to Midgar to meet Aeris again, but sadly, Zack is shot and killed right before the city borders.

Good story, except in Crisis core they ruin this by A) Giving Zack a still working cellhpone (which he carried around during his torture sessions in the lab, even tough he was naked? Okay...)

Okay, I guess it's arguable how much of a plothole this is, I guess he never calls Aeris for fear that Shinrah will find out where he is, altough 1) He gets repeatedly attacked by Shinrah during his trip to Midgar, so they already kinda know where he is, 2) he doesn't have to tell Aeris his location, he can just have a normal conversation and 3) If Shinrah can track his cellphone...Well, then calling is not even necesairy to begin with.
So yeah, it's a arguable case, but it still ruins the drama for me to know that Zack was one phone call away from Aeris the entire time.

And then we have plothole B, the real big one.
He can still do missions for Shinra. I COULD have put this under the "It's a videogame, you're supposed to assume these missions happen before the betrayel" thought, but there's one problem.
You get at least one specific mission AFTER, and even ABOUT the Nibelheim incident, Hojo asks you to rekill a copy of Sephiroth for studies.

This means that
A) Shinra still hires Zack while hes'a fugitive
B) Zack happely works with Hojo, the man who personally tortured him
C) Zack happely rekills Seprioth, even tough that fight must have hold 2 or 3 huge trauma's for him by now.
D) Zack helps Shinrah on new fighting data, and Shinrah gives Zack money, which they both can use against each other.
E) Zack can, at any time during his tragic trip to Midgar, just GO to Midgar.
Since it's Canon that he get's this mission after the betrayel, that means all bets are off for all the other missions as well, and there are several missions (especially by the housing office) that are done in the slumps.
So yeah, Zack can happely wander around in Aeris's backyard during any time while he's on his tragically doomed trip to see Aeris.

This plothole blasts so many holes in the plot that it baffles me. Ah Square Enix, you didn't think it trough, did ya?

Thanks to Rugal and Sassi for voices, and if you want to see a...glitchy because of darn Blip.. 3 minute version of Final fantasy 7, go here:

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kanamelover101 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Have to admit; this is pretty accurate... Hilarious anyways!
TiaraM Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Even Godess herself spared Genesis so she don't listen to his poetry in afterlife XD
Rogerregorroger Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
BoiZenBeri Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I nearly pissed myself laughing.
haimokochan Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Student General Artist
I guess Zack wasn't very bright.
Trist2468 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012
Rugal does the best emo voices ever LOL
Rogerregorroger Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
heh, yeah
misterkidney Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
TL;DR Did you know that Cheese was born in a laboratory?
Rogerregorroger Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
Nawel249 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2011
Give all fault to the Hollander.
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