Original:
[link]

I was suprised by how many requests I got for spoofing Kingdom Heart 3's trailer (err, Kingdom Hearts 2,5,1/3th I guess) I tought the trailer spoof of the second one was a failure.
Ah well, and this one isn't that funny either, tough a great opportunity for me to try out a new colour scheme effect.
Yay, cheap effects.

Right, so my thoughts about the birth by sleep trailer..
1) We get pure Square madness here, with empty poetry, characters that are conceiled to needlessly complicate things, and a war battle for no plot related reason, I'm sure.
Awesome. All there's missing is half the cast commiting suicide for no reason, and it's pure Square Enix magic.

2) Altough I like to call the trio "generic armor guy#1, generic armor guy#2 and generic armor guy#3", they actually have names. The big one's called Terra.
So yay, Terra Branfort from FF6 is in the game? Nah of course not.

Can't have references to other final fantasies then 7, 8 and X, the ones egocentric character designer Tetsuya Nomura created, in respect to his other Final fantasy design collegues.
A respect that caused the only 3 references to other final fantasies to be Setzer who's turned into a coward, Vivi who's made into a loser, and Terra who's an completely diffrent character altogether. Great.
Can't see them accidently naming a unrelated character after Cloud, can we?

Hmm, and trailer related, didn't Terra already have a keyblade before he grabs one from the graveyard? What a inhaley prick.

3)Okay, so all main characters in Square games always HAVE to be fragile teenagers, okay, but can you give them fitting outfits at least? It looks so incredibly silly when the helmets break of the armor, and there's a little 10 year old kid inside.

How come all their helmets break off so easely anyway, you'd think it's the most vital part of their armor. Then again, Mickey Mouse doens't have a helmet at all, even tough his head is as big as the rest of his body.

4)The old guy name's Xemnas, which is... WAIT, WHAT?
So let me get this straight, in the first game there's a guy who claims to be Ansem, except he isn't, since he's nothing or something.
Then there's a guy who calls himself Ansem, except his name is Xemnas, except his name is actually Xenohort. THEN there's a guy called DIz, except he's actually Ansem, and now there's a guy who's name is Xemnas too, Xemnas being an abreviation of the name Ansem... (facepalm)
4 Ansems, and none of them having any personality or interesting thing to do in the games besides being a random final boss, or commiting suicide like a good Square Enix character.

One of the future KH games better have some kind of payoff for all these dumb name "plottwists"


5) The heart shaped moon looks increasingly silly when those FMV movies are getting more violent and dramatic.

6)And then there's the hilarious ending where, after the violence and slaughter, Mickey Mouse is watching over the carnage, looking bad ass.
It's like ending Saving private Ryan with a shot of Goofy with a machine gun and a Chainsaw.
Why did they bother throwing Disney characters in anyway if the games are increasingly more anti-Disney in style and story.

7) Great, and one of the 3 generic armor guys looks just like Roxas. So first we have 500 characters with the same name, now we get 500 characters with the same face. Why yes, the story wasn't confusing enough, thanks Square.
I hope any of the new characters is capable of speaking a human language for a change.

8)So, how much do you wanna bet that all sidestories in Birth by sleep will revolve around Disney characters losing sleep, or give endless dream related hammy speeches?

Then again, Disney characters are incapeble of finishing any lecture without mentioning dreams at least once anyway.

9) I must admit, I do kinda like the old Xemnas guy, with his huge smile. Reminds me of a hyperactive friend I have, combined with master Roshi. This guy better be either hyperactive, or a pervert, or both. Just, SOME kind of personality please.